It’s easy to settle into a pattern you’ll easily get bored of to the point where it all feels pointless. You wake up, go to work and/or school, go home, eat, sleep, rinse and repeat. In fact, I’m writing this blog entry from work. How peculiar is that? We begin living a life that feels so pointless, we question why we have these seemingly disposable lives, but we feel comfortable with it because we’re used to it. I’m starting to think that maybe that’s why my depression got so bad for a while—my feeling of self worth had wavered and fluctuated.
I’ll admit I do always have a bit of sorrow in me, but a very close friend of mine recently reminded me that I’m not disposable life. None of us are. We as human beings each have a purpose. Even if you don’t know what it is yet, there’s something all of us must do. What is it? I can’t say I know, but I know what I’m here for.
I’m not just a full time grunt at a call center. Seeing people make payments that are worth more money than I’ll ever make in my life left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth, but we’re worth far more than a paycheck.
As my last entry indicated, my 20th birthday wasn’t long ago, and I explained why I’ve never been fond of that day—May 16th, because of what happened that day two years ago. (Hard to believe it’s already been two years.) This year, it was a nice, moderate, and calming day. I just spent time with my family and attempted a live stream with a new piece of hardware I’d gotten for myself that allowed me to stream gameplay from my Wii U and PS4 (that didn’t work very well, unfortunately). I think just spending time with my family helped. However, there was a message a very close friend of mine sent me that almost rebooted my entire mindset about myself and my life.
I won’t say her name for security purposes, but she’s one of the greatest friends I’ve ever had. We haven’t really seen each other since March, and even then, that was more like chance since we were both at the store for the midnight release of Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and we just talked for a few hours while waiting in line, but that still hasn’t changed the fact that she’s one of the few people I know that I’d trust with my life.
She sent a rather long message late that night, and it was probably the one that meant the most to me out of the ones I received that day. It revitalized my faith in, well, everything and everyone. Because most of the friends I ever really made are away or we’ve lost contact, I’ve been feeling rather alone and isolated, save for my family and my co-workers. Especially with my co-author, who’s been like a brother to me for six years, living in Germany for two years (less than that now), I haven’t had any friends to turn to, aside from the one I’m talking about now.
As soon as I read that message, it brought tears to my eyes. Hearing such words from someone I’ve looked up to for so long… Words honestly fail me when trying to describe the absolute joy I felt. She reminded me that I’m more than I thought I am, that I’m more than a small being working day-to-day without doing anything significant. When she told me how much of a positive impact I’ve made on her life despite us not being able to talk much recently because of our conflicting schedules, it made me realize that I can keep doing that for people, and that’s exactly what I’ll do using the abilities I’ve learned over the years, especially with writing.
That was all the motivation I needed to keep going. Simply knowing I wasn’t alone and that someone was thinking of me was more than enough. Not only is it enough to just keep me going, but it has me ready to do more. Life is way more than a paycheck. It’s way more than working for eight hours (or more for some people [less for others]) than sleeping. We’re worth so much more than that.
I can’t speak for people outside the US since I’ve lived here my entire life and I know we all have cultural and societal differences, but I know that we’ve spent so long in a society controlled by a capitalist hierarchy that our quality of life is measured by wealth. That’s all it is. Wealth equals power, power equals worth. That’s why those who are rich, who are big spenders, who hold positions of high rank in either politics or simply at work/school, are considered more important than we, the “plebeians”.
Despite our differences, we’re all human. We share the Earth, the sky, and the heavens. No one owns anyone, and political leaders don’t rule the world. Just because someone’s richer or has more “power” than you doesn’t make them better than you. Don’t measure your life with money. While it is necessary for basic needs in the majority of societies, it’s not our lives. Our lives are what we make it.
Going to work today? Remind yourself that it’s minuscule—a way to get by. Your real purpose lies outside of that. (There are obvious exceptions, of course, but you get the idea.) Heading to school? Awesome! But remember you’re not just a student—you’re a human being capable of incredible positive change. It doesn’t have to be world-changing, but if you can at least bring a positive change to your own life by chasing your dreams, your newfound optimism can be shared by others. That’s another thing—no matter how difficult a dream seems to be, chase it! Spend your whole life trying to find it. Life is much better when you step out of your comfort zone to seek something better.
I’m not saying quit your job and run away, as appealing as that may sound most of the time. If you have a family, definitely keep supporting them, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dream and follow the path you want to follow. Want to be an actor? Audition for plays/musicals for local community theatre! Want to sing? Learn the basic techniques, practice, seek people wanting to collaborate, and begin on YouTube! Get your name out there! Want to play pro sports? Start by playing with your friends!
Life isn’t a train on a one-way track. It’s an open world, and you can go wherever you want. You’ll run into obligations, trials to overcome, and hell, you’ll encounter roadblocks that seem impossible to pass. However, you’re capable of far more than you think. You’re worth more than a paycheck. You are you. Find your passion, push your limits, travel this road with friends, and by the end of the day, reflect on what you’ve done and be proud of yourself. If you didn’t reach your goal, laugh and try again tomorrow. History isn’t made easily. Never settle for anything. (Don’t apply that advice to relationships—that’s a completely different idea altogether. If you’re in a healthy and positive relationship, keep it up, and keep it special.)
Go for the goal. Write that novel. Talk to old friends. Live your life. You’re worth it.