An Honest Tangent – Open Journal

This is gonna be a bit of a different entry this morning, and I apologize for that to those who are here for either the writing or gaming entries, but I feel the need to simply be honest to those who are willing to listen. Even if there aren’t people who will read this, just letting it all out should help, so I will write this entry anyway.

I am not doing well, to tell you the truth. In conjunction with the chaos in the world, the fear of nuclear fallout since the two big babies running the military powerhouses of the world are trying to see whose dick is less small by putting their own people at risk, the problems of my friends, my family, and my own, things are getting a little on the overwhelming side. Fortunately, I’ve gone back to playing Final Fantasy XV after a six-month hiatus from it, and it’s been a nice temporary escape from the sorrow and horror of reality, but all of this still leaves me empty inside.

My family and I have hit a financial roadblock, and right on top of that, there are some awful things going on within our extended family that is affecting us. On top of that, I’m struggling with depression, my own projects, comforting my friends and family as they struggle through their own problems, and being in love with my best friend. It’s all overwhelming, to say the least. Perhaps I just need another break. Unfortunately, I’ve already made two commitments for this weekend. This Friday night, I promised some friends of mine I’d record a late night gaming video since I’m apparently super funny when I’m sleep deprived and they wanted another one, and then this Saturday evening, I’m attending an event with some old Theatre friends where we’ll get together in a park here in my town and look like idiots playing incredibly fun and ridiculous Theatre games, given that the smoke surrounding our town doesn’t do us in first, so I guess my only choice is to get my rest on Sunday.

I’m just so tired of it all, you know? I’m certainly trying to be a happier person, but everything around me seems to crash and burn whenever I try. A while back, I mentioned that I saw the beginning of a documentary about how your happiness depends upon your frame of mind and that how you think of life and the people and places around you legitimately affects the world around you to fit your frame of mind. So the more negatively you think, the more negatively you will be impacted by everyone and everything. It apparently works the same way for thinking positively, but I have yet to see those sorts of results. Sadly, every day so far where I’ve tried to go into the day with a positive mindset, everything that could go wrong ends up going wrong. It has happened every time.

Maybe I need a vacation. An escape from everything that impacts me negatively. I hope the fates will allow my family and I to go on our five-day vacation we have planned for late September. I have enough time off to take from work since I’d only miss three days of work, but I also have jury duty that same month, and I’d feel bad requesting more time off, but I am also the one who always tells everyone that time with family and friends is definitely far more important than time at the office, so maybe I will still request the time.

I guess even optimistic moral support warriors like myself get rundown by everything too, huh? Some rest is definitely in order, as is a vacation far away from this dump. Well, my workplace isn’t a dump. I’m honestly pretty content with where I work. I mean the town I live in. It just sucks and has awful people in it and I look forward to leaving it someday in the future.

Sorry for the rant, everybody. I just needed to write about it all and let it out. I feel a little better. I think I’ll try doing this sort of thing more often; writing my thoughts out in an open way. It makes it much easier to deal with. Either way, I hope you guys have a wonderful day, and I’ll be back tomorrow with the weekly writing report.


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